Workplace Joker Prints

'Before I continue, you're not one of those guys who blames the messenger for bad news, are you?'

"I'm well aware that your e-mail isn't working. I got your first message."

'If anyone wants me, I'll be in my office reading everyone's personal e-mail.'

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'That's interesting Larry, but most people just use a flipchart to express their ideas.'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

"I'm concerned, Tom, whether you have the full respect of your staff."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'I don't care how you did things where you worked before.'

'The memo said we can't eat at our desk. Didn't say anything about cooking.'

"We already have an eight-hundred-pound gorilla."

'Harold's not here, go away!'

'How's this for a severance package? Five minutes to grab all you can get.'

'Miss Jones, exactly what modifications have we done to the secretarial pool?'

'And this is Tony, our company's loose cannon.' 'We've met.'

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'...You know we don't stand on formality here!'

Support staff staff.

Production Meeting: Excuses

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'Have I caught you at a bad time?' (fishing pole)

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

'Well, that's fun! Just last week, one of your colleagues came in here to ask for a raise!'

Elevator charge $1.00.

'I don't have a doctor's certificate, but my wife took these photos of me throwing up.'

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'