Workplace Jokers Gifts

"Sorry...I overslept."

'You are devious and deceitful.' - 'Thanks very much.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"What do you mean when you say 'competitive salary?'"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."