Behavior Management Joker Gifts

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I agree, a mission statement should be utterly sincere, but I would leave out the, 'don't get caught' part."

"Dopamine Casino. Gambling that makes you feel like gambling."

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

Pavlov's dog

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

"Of course I'm behaving like a big baby. That's part of my formula for success."

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

Monkey casino study.

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Before she disciplined a student, Principal Helen Edelman played recordings of previous visitors to her office.

'Mind if we play through?'

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

The Prisoner's Dilemma

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

Before the Salivating Dogs

Konrad Lorenz

I never had a pony, Dr. Kapuchnik. Get over it, Al. Tastes like chicken.

'We already have a helper monkey for that.'

"You can tell he's not a stray. He picks up after himself."

'Tortoise fanciers dinner 6:30pm for 10pm'

'I can't sign that behavior contract unless my attorney reviews it.'

'These are humans. Normally they are quite harmless, but if you touch their food or make fun of their beliefs they can become VERY aggressive.'