Child Behavior Management Gifts

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

Pavlov's dog

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

Teacher to king and queen: "He keeps invading other children's space."

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

'The vet will see, you know!'

Kids' energy levels

"How about you slap me on the wrist and I neither admit nor deny any wrongdoing."

Before she disciplined a student, Principal Helen Edelman played recordings of previous visitors to her office.

'Can you make this one disappear?'

'Keep an EYE on him for me.'

Before the Salivating Dogs

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

"Maybe little Jack Horner became argumentative because he was backed into a corner, leaving him no options."

"Oh yes, you have to keep an eye on them All the time!"

'Mom said I was rude and put me in time out to learn some manners. I'm in solitary refinement!'

The inspiration for Pavlov's experiments. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Pizza delivery!

"I screamed for ice cream and all I got was 15 minutes in the Time Out chair."

"Mothers Day is coming up. What shouldn't we do to make sure mom enjoys it?"

'I've had it up to here with your demonization of the culture of childhood.'