Child Behavior Gifts

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"How about you slap me on the wrist and I neither admit nor deny any wrongdoing."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

'Mom said I was rude and put me in time out to learn some manners. I'm in solitary refinement!'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Santa Claus's Mail

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It get it – you're hungry."

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"