Behavior Gifts

'I'm beginning to enjoy these long walks with you every day.'

"But stay off the couch."

'What kind of crazy nonsense is that? It sounds like you've been listening to your inner adult again!'

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'

"I can't stand the way it's taunting us!"

"I know I should love my neighbor as myself, but he isn't my neighbor!"

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

Dog Park / Cat Park

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"He needs to work on his people skills."

'Mind if we play through?'

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

"I think up most of the things that get me in trouble here while I'm in the time-out chair at home."

One giant bark for dogkind.

If People Acted Like Dogs

Santa Claus's Mail

He's moody. Be silly around the dog. Patient with. Quiet near. Ware of. Firm with.

"Is this your work?"

"I hate it when we fight."

"For kids who think they can be naughty again after Christmas, I'm the Re-Po Elf."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Why do they do that?"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It get it – you're hungry."