Behaviors Gifts

Can I call you back? I suddenly need to sprint into the other room and back for no apparent reason.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Santa Claus's Mail

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"I hate it when we fight."

Dog Park / Cat Park

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

The Map of the Human Heart

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

The life of penguins.

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"Dopamine Casino. Gambling that makes you feel like gambling."

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"He ran out of pee."

'Good work Jenkins Whisting the National anthem Genius'

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"You have got to want to change."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

"So. Mr Smith, what makes you think you are too controlling?"

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

One giant bark for dogkind.

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten