Child Discipline Master Gifts

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Fitness Programme for babies

'You know I'd take the blame kid, but I'm still on shakey ground over that carpet incident.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

Early Learning Today

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

Boy scout replaces Atlas during Bob-a-Job Week.

Science Snobs

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

'And what pray tell do I do if the teacher asks me a question?'

'I read all the parenting books, but you always manage to stay one step ahead of me!'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"Nine and three! Nine and three o’clock!!"

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'Keep an EYE on him for me.'

Three frogs watching their tadpoles.

"At what age can we expect him to understand digital technology?"

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"I downloaded the Laugh Track app yo soften mom when I give her my lame excuse."

"What can I say: It's nice to get away from the kids once in a while..."

'I told my Mom either the sitter goes, or I go!'

'Don't just sit there buffering, clean up you room.'

'Consistency, Bobby, consistency!'