Management Jokes Gifts

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

Job complaints on road signs.

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'The boss has a distinct way of chewing you out.'

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

"I will of course yield to whomever agrees with me."

'This is so much easier than getting volunteers.'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"Our investigation has concluded that your boss isn't stalking you, Mr. Beamon. He's just micromanaging."

Think Small.

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

Micromanage / Nanomanage

'Miss Jenkins, get me a smaller desk or a larger office.'

"They're changing the top-down distribution to a bottom-up exchange of half-baked ideas."

'You're lazy,ruthless, arrogant and shifty - that's why I'm promoting you to Manager.'

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

Reactive/Proactive

"Ever notice how he wants to go with a team management approach after things go wrong?"

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."