Managerial Jokes Gifts

"When he goes outside to smoke, don't let him back in."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Another day at work would be one too many...

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

Above reproach.

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

Job complaints on road signs.

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'