Management Humor Fan Gifts

'It' his supervisor.'

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

'I'm forming a task force because I can.'

"The damn staff are complaining. . ."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Job complaints on road signs.

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."