Management Parody Fan Gifts

"Now, isn't this better than some impersonal letter?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Job complaints on road signs.

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'The boss has a distinct way of chewing you out.'

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

I've started a management course. Whattda they teach? Today we did blame shifting.

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

'He installed it to counter the ease with which people are granted access into his office.'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'