Managerial Satire Fan Gifts

"And here's your office..."

"Not a parrot, Holbrook, but a compact P.A. wih a whole lot of appreciate for what I do for this country."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'