Managerial Satire Fan Gifts

"Not a parrot, Holbrook, but a compact P.A. wih a whole lot of appreciate for what I do for this country."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Scapegoat of the Year

"It's a swearbox."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.