Managerial Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Water company bonus.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."