Management Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Your idea is useless, but we could use you and save money on lighting."

"My new boss expects great things from me. It will be interesting to see how he handles disappointment."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

"To make things more democratic, I've decided to introduce a round-table policy."