Management Satirist Gifts

"The resolution has been made and seconded that we stick our heads in the sand."

"Obviously, wishful thinking alone won't turn things around. It's going to take wishful thinking combined with some powerful new jargon!"

"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"

'It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets to stop us being target driven!'

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

"Right we're agreed on increasing workloads and cutting resources in addition to selective light off of personnel. . . Next item, staff morale."

Blind Leading The Blind

Corporate Coaching Management Training.

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

I've started a management course. Whattda they teach? Today we did blame shifting.

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Don't expect any sympathy from the boss. He's heartless!"

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I'm looking for positive people. In other words, 'yes men'."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"There is no 'I' in 'leadership'. . . but there is and 'I' in 'DO what I tell you or you can pack your bags and get out!'"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

The 'Kick 'Em Upstairs' Policy Comes Back To Haunt Yomp. Inc.

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'He installed it to counter the ease with which people are granted access into his office.'

'He appears to be the dominant male.'

'I heard the old man is twisted.'

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

'Once I learned where the problem was, I decided it would be best just to ride it out.'

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

'Miss Roberts, would you mind rehiring all 380 emplyees I fired last week? I've come to realize this company can't function without them.'

'I'm promoting you to Executive VP of sucking up.'

Fenderson really knows how to pick his battles.

'Does anyone else have an opinion of their own?'

'Jensen, how do you expect to get ahead in this organization if I have to keep firing you?'

'I've been thinking of downsizing and I'm my only employee!'

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.