Management Satire Seeker Gifts

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"To make things more democratic, I've decided to introduce a round-table policy."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

Death Boss

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)