Management Satire Seeker Pillows

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"Ladies, gentlemen, come in and take a seat. I've decided to take this corporation in an entirely new direction."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Death Boss

"My rise in the company was solely based on convincing management that I was a nerd in high school."