Management Satire Lover Gifts

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

'I'd like to help you, but I always say 'no'.'

"Can I make my own decisions...what do you think?"

'You couldn't be more right if you WERE right.'

'Things are going quite well today, Ms. Simms, so i'll be canceling my outburst.'

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

'I set a bad example, so I try not to lead by example.'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'Your new boss is coming over for dinner tonight? We haven't finished eating the old one.'

'You idiot! I'm out of a job if you keep hiring people who work without supervision.'

'Frankly Johnson, you're more of a shaker than a mover these days.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

"I realize our annual report is completely blank, but no news is good news, right?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'