Management Parody Gifts

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

Above reproach.

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

Job complaints on road signs.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

'The boss has a distinct way of chewing you out.'

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

I've started a management course. Whattda they teach? Today we did blame shifting.

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'He installed it to counter the ease with which people are granted access into his office.'

'Sounds like Chuck's over-delegating again.'

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

"Big surprise. That cost/benefit analysis cost up more than any benefit we've ever gotten from it."