Management Comic Fan Gifts

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'The beatings will continue until morale improves.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Job complaints on road signs.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'This is so much easier than getting volunteers.'

"I will of course yield to whomever agrees with me."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."