Management Comic Fan Gifts

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'The beatings will continue until morale improves.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

Job complaints on road signs.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

'This is so much easier than getting volunteers.'

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

"I will of course yield to whomever agrees with me."