Management Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Ms Jenkins, please inform the 3rd floor I've decided to fire them. And tell floors 4, 7 and 9 that they're next if they don't get it in gear.'

"Who's the head honcho around here?" "Speaking."

'My door is always open to all employees, but only until my air conditioner is repaired.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting