Management Joke Collector Gifts

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Friday

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

Job complaints on road signs.

"Time to do it in!"

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

'Our efficiency expert's only recommendation was to continue his contract.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

Your call is important to us...

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

'Fair warning, I'm in one of my 'moods'.'

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'