Office Joke Collector Gifts

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Oh, I had some elevator trouble in the morning, but over all it was a pretty good day."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Suffering from Cooties?

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Friday

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Cheating Death.