Office Comedy Collector Gifts

While You Were Out

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'Murder? No, you've dialled L for Liposuction by mistake.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Banana Split...

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Turtle Hat

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Snowmobull

Friday

Filet minion

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"The Eggsorcist"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.