Workplace Comedy Collectors Gifts

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

Occu-Pie Mars

Hollywood Sign Developers

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Banana Split...

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Turtle Hat

E-Baying @ The Moon

End the Winter Blues

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Snowmobull

Friday

"The Eggsorcist"

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Filet minion

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'