Comedy Collectors Gifts

"...that isn't your Porsche ignition key. You got that off a tin of corned beef."

Man fishing with rod with multiple lines.

'Honey, the delivery guy is here.'

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

That's silly - how many people own invisible dogs?

'Caution - wet floor' sign in fish tank.

"I had no idea we had this kind of technology."

The Toilet Bike.

'He's tagging exercicse equipment to study its migratory patterns as it travels from lawn sale to lawn sale.'

Inconvenience Store - Closed.

"Your paranoia of lyme disease is ridiculous!"

Hair club for men.

'This is just a routine check, sir -- are you a turtle?'

I hope you don't think this is some sort of pick-up line.

Idi Amen as a deli meat butcher.

Eric instantly regretted asking his builder for a quote

'Anything for job hunting?'

'I'm here to check the condition your condition is in.'

"Now are you happy?"

Noah's Ark

'...Now, where was I?'

Santa downsizes his operations due to flailing economy . . .

"Money or your beard!"

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out, he's been a good bird."

'You just poured eye of newt and a bunch of other stuff into my laundry?'

'Howdy. Care to contribute to the... uh... 'Kennel Your Cat' drive?'

'My first wife - mounted many times but only stuffed the once.'

If there were a New York Vacuums baseball team...

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

'Do you drink?'

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

"Do you realise that you've brought our feather duster for a walk?"

'Maybe installing luxury boxes was a bit optimistic."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"You wrote asking for a sex manual?"