Office Humor Collectors Gifts

"We've hiked associate pay substantially, and we will of course need something in return..."

National Belly Button Society: Innies and Outies.

"I'll do anything, up to, but not including, communicating with you, to make you feel better."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Gay Times...

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

Friday

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

"You calm down."