Office Comedy Collectors Gifts

"Can I keep the hairpiece on?"

'My trick for avoiding extra work is to look busy all the time...'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Banana Split...

"The Eggsorcist"

Turtle Hat

Filet minion

E-Baying @ The Moon

Friday

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Snowmobull

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

A trevor of trainspotters

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'