Office Satire Collector Gifts

"I can't help being senior management..."

'It's good you're always on the go, because, as of now, you're gone.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Friday

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"