Business Joke Collector Gifts

'...sometimes it's like this company is being run by a bunch of HEADLESS CHICKENS...no offense, Bob.'

'Why haven't you done the staff cuts I ordered?'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Take this with a grain of salt, Birnbaum, you're fired."

'Fair warning, I'm in one of my 'moods'.'

I think I've solved our downsizing problem!

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

"All those who object to me replacing the board with crash test dummies, please raise our hands."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Friday

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

"There are two ways we can go here - bark or bite."

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

"Time to do it in!"

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

'Our efficiency expert's only recommendation was to continue his contract.'

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

Your call is important to us...