Corporate Humor Collector Gifts

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"Why, Ferber, I'm surprised to find you away from your desk."

'This has been a test. If this had been an actual take-over attempt, you would have been instructed to...'

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Friday

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

In and Out Sourced.

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

Office meeting

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."