Corporate Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'...any other business?'

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

"Somewhere out there, Patrick, is the key to increased sales. I want you to find that key, Patrick, and bring it to me."

CEO and COO.

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

Professor illustrating how to put social responsibility ahead of profits.

'Of course, this plan requires that you all work for free.'

'And no more of those old fashioned ideas, Simms.'

Dividends fall whilst executive pay rises - 'As you know, ladies and gentlemen, charity begins at home.'

'You're exactly the kind of applicant we're looking for.'

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

"We can't say 'new and improved' until we come up with a product."

Offshore tax havens.

"Change in plans - the deadline's been moved up to four days ago."

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"I've decided to leave the company. Could I have my soul back?"

'Here is a big problem. Your job is to divide it into smaller problems and blame it on other people.'

"Turning our dismal performance around might be easier if we eliminated our ethics committee."

PowerPointless Presentation

'I am more than willing to acknowledge my mistakes if someone is stupid enough to point them out to me.'

"Our latest initiative takes a three-pronged approach."

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

'Let's throw them off balance by reasoning with them.'

"It's the new management structure, the workers the one at the bottom."

'Resourceful means you can get the job done without any resources.'

"Sounds good. We'll just have to run it by the Hawaiian Shirts."

'Okay, let's take a vote. All those opposed to my ideas raise their hands and say I resign.'

'That's our head of security.'

'The CFO wants it as soon as impossible.'

"I have complete confidence that the company will overcome its debt load."

"We'll find the money for that. My guy is on it right now."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'Unfortunately our policy initiative of a '360' degree client facing strategic realignment of core structural...'

Sharks' Mission Statement