Corporate Humor Fanatic Gifts

"The boxes with the little horns and tails are strategically placed scapegoats."

"Although it's not unanimous, I'm glad some of you would take me over the cat."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Office pics on dinner table.

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."