Corporate Satirical Humor Fan Gifts

'Damage the sign and it's coming off your pay!!'

'I can already see he plans to outvote us again.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'