Corporate Joke Fan Gifts

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Office pics on dinner table.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'