Corporate Comedy Fans Gifts

"This is Jesus - he says he's God´s interim manager."

'Your complaint has been taken to the highest level.'

'Okay, we've got 1 CEO, 4 assistant directors, 7 department managers, 3 IT-managers, 2 marketing directors, 3 personnel managers and 2 service managers. Now we just have to find out what we want to produce.'

You'll find nepotism is rife here.

"He still hasn't figured out how to get out of his invisible cubicle."

"You're in luck, we do have an opening at the moment for someone with limited skills and a tragic lack of motivation and initiative."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Take me to your market leader.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'