Corporate Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"I see high school, college, and business school, but I don't see obedience school."

"If the men go on strike, we'll run the plant ourselves. Somewhere find out where it is."

"Let's be clear Mr Cosgrove. We feed you,… you don't bite our hand."

'How can we recompense them for the SACRIFICES they will have to make, the damage to their families, their relationships?'

'I wouldn't describe myself as a troubleshooter. I'm more a trouble-eater.'

'Sure, it's been a bad year for business, but he's hanging in there.'

'Ms. Stevens, I've had four cups of coffee and I'm still sluggish. Would you have security bring in the Tazer.'

"The educational requirements for this position is an M.B.A., Norton. I'm afraid we can't accept your B.S."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Office pics on dinner table.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."