Corporate Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'Whatever happened to the good old principle of 'Hire 'em and Fire 'em'?'

'If you ask me, someone needs to tell Mergers and Acquisitions to cool it for a while!'

'We'll keep your application on file and if we ever lower our standards...'

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

Denial as a form of corporate negotiation.

"I suppose you'd like to hear about the fringe benefits."

'Who gets to be the SOB who quotes us the regulations?'

"It's amazing to think he started out in the lobby."

"I'll see if he's in, Mr.Tonks - are you a big or small shareholder?"

Clone Research and Development, "Psst- rumour has it the boss is a self-made man."

"Could you come in here and chase my tail?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'We tried a new marketing strategy, a new sales concept and a new business policy. It all failed. We have one more chance to succeed. Do the words 'Incas' and 'Human Sacrifice' ring a bell?'

"Attention all hands. Abandon ship!"

"He doesn't ever want to see you - he asked me to tell you tactfully."

'Thanks for calling, Furgis. Your file was right at the top of my middle desk box.'

Vulture sitting on company profits graph.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure, make him do it again."

'Beegley, I'd like a word with you after this meeting.'

'I took two days of management training and now I'm overqualified to work here.'

'...It rhymes with Vee Horty Hive.'

'You're overworked and underpaid. That's what gives you job security.'

Global Limbo, Inc: 'I think it's a holding company of some kind...'

'Before we take this any further, have you any previous?'

Beating by Appointment.

"They're saying you're a stand up boss."

"Care to donate to your severance pay?"

"The directors are concerned about your casual attitude, Simpson."

"He's a psychopath with megalomaniac tendencies. . . I like that in a candidate!"

"He has to pay a fine EVERY time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'Target orientated processes'."

"And option 3 is to run around in circles screaming 'Oh dear God we're ruined'..."

Acme Poultry Personnel. We don't really have an organization chart. It's more of a pecking order.

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

"Bad new- somehow you've come to someone's attention."

"Our parent company wants us to be in bed by ten."