Corporate Comedy Admirer Gifts

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

Conglomerates

'I'm afraid the time has come for a major reorganization...and I've discovered we have more vice-presidents that customers.'

"I got my people to meet with their people, and that was the last I heard from either of them."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Office pics on dinner table.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

In and Out Sourced.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."