Corporate Humor Aficionado Gifts

'How are you getting on with the strategy for growth ?'

"My new marketing strategy is to sell stuff to you two."

'Yes, we do have a group health plan. When everyone has the same symptoms, you all go as a group to see the doctor!'

Thesaurus Company

"Shareholders are complaining that there are no women on The Board - so who'd like to have a sex change op?"

Look a gift from the shareholders...some red candles and a clock! (dynamite).

'Haffner, what's this I hear that you're a whistleblower?'

"They're changing the top-down distribution to a bottom-up exchange of half-baked ideas."

Organization Chart: SCAPEGOATS

'I'm sorry Perkins,but you just haven't lived up to our expectations.'

"For the first year, you get a cost-of-living raise every three months. Then, you hit the donut hole."

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

Scientists in cloning research lab all look like company founder's portrait.

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

'We've got got 13 line managers and 35 account executives.'

Complaints.

"It's gutsy and bold, and frankly, I like it. But polls indicate the market isn't quite ready for human sacrifices."

'I barely have time to flaunt my expense account.'

'Sir, he told you to level with him, not to level him.'

"Blitzak, this is not your cubicle."

"You must learn to think outside your box but within the confines of mine."

"When I said there would be fireworks, I really meant it."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"And this is our newest junior executive... My boy, Junior!"

Underling supply agency

"I have no idea what it is you do around here, but whatever it is, keep up the good work."

"I'm from PETA. I have a report you are beating a dead horse."

R&D - Relax & Doodle

"I'd like you to head up the new team recently let go."

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

"Let me be honest with you, as I'm out of all other options."

"Central America, the Balkans... such small countries... no reason we can't buy at least one of them."

"But first let's all congratulate Ted on his return to work."

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'