Corporate Comedy Aficionado Gifts

Little man in big man's pocket.

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

A big frog in a small pond.

Corporate cat has IN bowl and OUT box on his desk.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

Your brains have arrived.

"Outsource, outsource,outsource..."

"Do I blame you or your boss if I don't get this job?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

Office pics on dinner table.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."