Corporate Comedy Fan Gifts

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'That went well.'

Feedback doesn't need to be negative.

'You can't retire. You know too much. You might talk.'

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

'OK, if I can't find my way back to my cubicle in 2 more days, I'll definitely consider asking for help.'

'I dread casual Fridays.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Board room meeting, "That was a brilliant idea Smithers-thank you for having it for me"

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"All those in favour of voting ourselves 3 year rolling contracts before we go into liquidation"

"What do you mean I ask too many questions?"

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

"We take confidentiality very seriously in this company."

Secret Machine, Executive Decisions

'If I compliment you on your work, promise you won't ask for a rise.'

"We share a deep personal hatred for each other. It's a beginning."

'I move that we give ourselves a big bonus before the money is all gone.'

No Coin Flipping

'Mr Jenkins - about our 'No Shorts' policy...'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Good news... we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

You're not going to get your way, Norton, and I don't care if you are an only child.

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'Not only could I replace you with a computer, I wouldn't even have to turn it on.'

'You'll learn very quickly. Especially if you don't like being fired.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

"Don't worry... Our corporate culture takes some getting used to. In a few weeks, you'll realize you've adapted to it and that it feels normal. And if you survive THAT devastating little epiphany, you'll probably fit right in!"

"I don't want to take up too much more of your time, so let me transfer you to someone who will."

'There's only one way to save the company. Does anyone know any major celebrities who would be willing to say nice things about us?'

'You couldn't be more right if you WERE right.'

'Beegly, I want you to give this old college try... you know, cheat.'

'We're interested in taking out a franchise.'