Corporate Comedy Fan Prints

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'That went well.'

Feedback doesn't need to be negative.

'You can't retire. You know too much. You might talk.'

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

'OK, if I can't find my way back to my cubicle in 2 more days, I'll definitely consider asking for help.'

'I dread casual Fridays.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Board room meeting, "That was a brilliant idea Smithers-thank you for having it for me"

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"All those in favour of voting ourselves 3 year rolling contracts before we go into liquidation"

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

"What do you mean I ask too many questions?"

"We take confidentiality very seriously in this company."

Secret Machine, Executive Decisions

'If I compliment you on your work, promise you won't ask for a rise.'

"We share a deep personal hatred for each other. It's a beginning."

'Not only could I replace you with a computer, I wouldn't even have to turn it on.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'I move that we give ourselves a big bonus before the money is all gone.'

No Coin Flipping

'Good news... we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

You're not going to get your way, Norton, and I don't care if you are an only child.

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

A man's boss gives him a command and then the man forgets what it was immediately.

"I don't want to take up too much more of your time, so let me transfer you to someone who will."

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace...."

'Excellent, Goldsmith. Offering me your resignation is the best idea you've had since joining this company.'

"This budget needs more fat for me to trim."

'This is a Christian company. If you don't meet your targets, you'll get crucified.'

'You couldn't be more right if you WERE right.'

"Don't worry... Our corporate culture takes some getting used to. In a few weeks, you'll realize you've adapted to it and that it feels normal. And if you survive THAT devastating little epiphany, you'll probably fit right in!"