Corporate Humor Fan Prints

'...Any ideas for a product?'

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)

'Your thankless, hard work and commitment have been crucial to my career development. Isn't that the best possible reward for you?'

'Or to put it in marketing terms, you want more whizbang, we'll need more gizmos.'

'Excellent,Templeton! Now come up with a product!'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I see you've heard how we treat 'outsiders'.'

"Dear shareholder, I am offended by your accusation that I am only a part-time chairman..."

"There must be an easier way!"

'Gentlemen, our first order of business is to find out where the peanuts are kept.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'I was just giving her a few examples and she passed out.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"I've come up with something that will stop shareholders worrying about dividends."

'I need somebody to run this by legal. Anyone in the office wearing sneakers?'

'Our salaries are so low,companies in India are outsourcing to us.'

Take me to your market leader.'

'I think it's time I put my priorities in order... I want you to find out what they are.'

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'

"But it will never work between us! Your primary concern is with the business and mine is with stakeholders!"

"You are lazy and try to get others to do your work. You have a great future in management."

"...but if we're ever scraping the bottom of the barrel we'll be in touch."

'. . . and, now a word from the company's former treasurer about our financial status.'

'We've decided that it would be wise, from a public relations angle, to dissolve the corporation and form a cult.'

Monday Morning, Wednesday Afternoon, Friday at 6 p.m.

"We shall now commence throwing money at the problem."

"Crawford, I'm getting reports of inappropriate squeezing."

'No cubicles. All our temps are free-range.'

'Our acquisitions department accidentally took over a third world country.'

'Never mind that...I want you back in the office in five.'

'Are you okay? You don't seem distracted.'

'I feel more secure surrounded by things.'

Johnson, Johnson, Johnson, Johnson & Johnson - An Equal Opportunity Employer.

'Yeah, yeah, hail Caesar ... listen, I got a meeting on the Third Hill at nine. what are my coffee options?'