Corporate Comedy Lover Gifts

'Before I continue, you're not one of those guys who blames the messenger for bad news, are you?'

Kevin had a funny feeling that his boss was monitoring his emails.

Great coaching is about being specific with feedback.

Aside from a few minor stumbling blocks, which made vacuuming difficult, the project was going well.

In case of fire, change subject.

'We think we may be a victim of corporate espionage.'

'My first mistake was hiring you. My second mistake was not firing you. My third mistake is going to be throwing you out the window.'

Executive on phone: 'Intriguing proposal! Give me some time to mull it over and co-opt it as my own.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

Remind me Ms. Guzman, What it is I do here.'

'My God! We've merged with ourselves!'

'She has a 2:42 and a 2:43 appointment. I can try to fit you in.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'That's what I really admire about J.D. He refuses to give up, even when it looks as though the company's had it. '

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'Notice: management has the right to monitor employee telephone calls and e-mails just for the hell of it.'

'The company's team-building retreat was where I was singled out and attacked!'

"It's the most hostile takeover I've ever been involved in"

'The ethics consultant said our business conduct is immoral. I immediately took action and fired the guy.'

Office Hazing

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Do It Now

"Oh, thank you, Lord! Do I have to tell my partner?"

"Not you Ackroyd, this is a think tank meeting."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Yes, Mr. James is in. What excuse would you like to hear for him not seeing you?"

Today's expert is a bloke who knows where yesterday's expert went wrong.

'I'm not in for anyone!'

'See! It's all in the wrist.'

'What worries me now that we are a parent company is that we'll be treated like parents are...'

'You know I'm beginning to think that bank that bought us out were asset strippers.'

"We don't have a gym, but you'll get plenty of exercise trying to find your cubicle."

"Wipe that silly grin off your face, Benson - this is a hostile takeover."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.