Corporate Comedy Lovers Gifts

'The quarterly earnings don't look good. We seem to be in a bit of a slump.'

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"When I said we were going public, That didn't mean you were supposed to divulge our secret recipe."

'The quarterly numbers are in. Bad CEO....'

"I ran it up the flagpole and no one knew how to salute."

"Right, first of all, which one of you bright, young things decided it would be a 'cool idea' to have a breakfast meeting?!"

Who were you going to get to drive the get-away car?

Acme Toupee Co. - Pile of toupees in corner, hawk on perch by open window - chart showing sales up. - The hawk is stealing toupees off people's heads, driving sales up.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Office pics on dinner table.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.