Corporate Comedy Lovers Pillows

'The quarterly earnings don't look good. We seem to be in a bit of a slump.'

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"When I said we were going public, That didn't mean you were supposed to divulge our secret recipe."

'The quarterly numbers are in. Bad CEO....'

"I ran it up the flagpole and no one knew how to salute."

"Right, first of all, which one of you bright, young things decided it would be a 'cool idea' to have a breakfast meeting?!"

Who were you going to get to drive the get-away car?

Acme Toupee Co. - Pile of toupees in corner, hawk on perch by open window - chart showing sales up. - The hawk is stealing toupees off people's heads, driving sales up.

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Office pics on dinner table.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'