Corporate Comedy Appreciators Gifts

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Shakespeare Quote

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"It's amazing to think he started out in the lobby."

"It's the most hostile takeover I've ever been involved in"