Corporate Satire Fans Gifts

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

'Loophole, Loophole and Smith Accountants'

It's because you've given us the best years of your life, Potter - that's why we're letting you go.

"The company blog says we're doing extremely well, though. Blogs will do that."

'All opposed to moving the plant to Mexico say, 'adios'.'

"Such a shame Leon had to rush off so soon after suggesting that we put the customers needs ahead of our own."

"Oh, I wouldn't call Time dead wood. Dead wood can be burned and serve a useful purpose. He's more like wet toilet paper."

"Baldo, can you help a customer on aisle 7? She doesn't speak English?"

"Sorry for laughing boss, but this appeals to my sense of irony!"

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"You lost us the account... you know what is expected"

Hindering Holiday Harassment

'Actually, it was pretty easy once we got past the part about not learning new tricks.'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

Chose the wrong phone company.

'You go first... after all, you were my mentor.'

The executive board meeting was - once again - delayed due to the tardiness of C.E.O. Godot.

"We're looking for someone more aggressive, and, well, Pinkston is still intact."

"You're in luck! Business ethics is a grey area, we're sending you back!"

He's very thoughtful, he even tells you where the nearest lake to jump in is.

Our Founder

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."